Who is (Really) Teaching Sex Education

So first off, sorry that I took so long to get this one written.  I said on Saturday that I was going to do the follow up on Monday.  Well today is Thursday and I’m finally getting it done.

My last post I had said that my friend had said that his sex education class was only for a semester when he was 15 years old.  By then he had already experimented with sex with a few other boys and girls his age.  It was fun listening to him rattle off the story.  Him and a few buddies had gone off on a camping trip when they were 12 or so and though no sexual acts took place they did pull down their pants and compare.  Who was the biggest and smallest, who had hair starting to grow.  And then when he got his first girlfriend how he had felt up her breasts and slid his hand down her pants.  He said had didn’t go any farther than that with a girl until he was 17.

Back then it sounds like the only way you got sex education, or your rocks off as a guy, was by hanging around “that guy” who was always saying he knew how to get the girls and had been with “so many”, though in real life hadn’t been with a single one.  Even some of the boys I know around here are probably bragging more than their actual experience as a way to get people to think they are cool and want to hang out with them.  I guess there were also catalogs for places like Macy’s, and Sears seems to be a popular when when I ask, and they were looking at the underwear section at the models.  That is just a funny thing to even think about.

But now we have entered into the age of the internet, smart phones, and phones with cameras and the instant uploading of pictures.  Society has, like the Lord of the Rings, awakened the sleeping dragon, and there is no way to put him back to sleep other than to destroy him.

Today, people are getting their sex education from chat rooms like MenChats, or Chat-Avenue.  Personally I don’t find anything wrong with the chat sites in general.  But the adult/youth paranoia rains strong in rooms like that.  In MenChats the home page says that it is restricted to those who are over the age of 18 only.  But that certainly doesn’t stop someone under that age from clicking the button and going into the room and SAYING they are 18.  Only if they mess up and say their real age, or a moderator suspects will someone get bounced from the room.  In Chat-Avenue there are several different rooms to choose from.  There is a boys room where you only have to be 13 to enter and no maximum age, a teen chat for those 13 to 19 (oops I cant go to that one anymore), a gay chat that you have to be 17 to enter, and an adult chat that you have to be 18 to enter.  Can you see here that there is really nothing available for both adults and kids?

And believe me I know, and accept the reason why there is not.  I’ve gone into MenChats, and the Gay Chat and it is nothing but people who are horny and want to talk about sexual experiences or role play a sexual encounter.  Not exactly the place that you would want to go to ask questions about your own sexuality, or get information.  If there WAS a chat room available for something like that I would love to be one of the moderators.  But so far have not found one like that.

Next up is the free porn sites.  There are literally thousands of sites on the internet that are free porn, no log in required, no registration to make sure that you are of age, and download till your hearts content.  Just to give you an idea, there is PornHub and XVideos.  These are two fairly large websites that contain all sorts of porn: Gay, Bi, Straight, Kinky, you name it.  If you are a horny teen, all you have to do it go to the page and have fun.  But of course, this is not the best way for someone to get their sexual education.

Then lastly for my examples you have the live cam sites like Chaturbate and Omegle.  These sites again you don’t need a log in, there is no verification of age to watch and you can watch someone LIVE.  Just for example while I’m writing this I’ve been watching this very cute guy on Chaturbate who has just been talking to the people chatting to him while wearing his boxers.  I will say that he is pretty cute.

And then that leads me to the sleeping dragon.  Well, the dragon that is no longer sleeping.  There was this article on the Huffington Post:

Microsoft Launches Tool to Rid Internet of Child Porn 

Though I would love to see that come true, best I can say to that is “good luck with that”.  Because here is the big question that needs to be asked: Who are the people that are creating and posting most of the child porn these days?  Is anyone answering “the kids themselves”?  If not, you should be.  And we have given them the tools to do it!  Sexting anyone?  How many stories have we heard about someone getting in trouble because he or she sent x-rated pics to a friend and it ended up getting spread around.  We have given them Skype, we have given them Omegle, and we have given them webcams and phone cameras.

I’m NOT saying that it was the INTENTION of the companies to have under 18 year old people using these services in the way that they are.  And the sites are probably doing a pretty good job, as best they can, at keeping it off.  But before we gave the kids their webcams, and smart phones, did anyone sit down with them to have a discussion about internet sex?  I bet not.  This is why in the last article I said that sex education needs to start at an uncomfortably young age.  Kids are smart.  When they feel the tingle they will go find something to help release it and it isn’t always a good thing.  And I don’t think monitoring their web browsing or phone is a good way to do it.  That is like trying to put out the fire after the house has burnt to the ground.  It’s REactive instead of PROactive.

The younger we start to teach kids about sex and sexuality the more they are going to understand as they grow up.  They should then feel more comfortable coming to mom and dad and asking those sticky questions rather than trying to go online to find the answers.  Because one thing they probably don’t know is once it is out there on the internet, it is there FOREVER!  Let’s try to keep it in the pants rather that spread world wide on the internet.

The New Jersey Teacher/Student Sex Case & Sex Education

Lawyer for New Jersey Teacher in Student Sex Case Says it Was a ‘Victimless Crime’

So when I was eating lunch this afternoon and scrolling down the Huffington Post app I came across the story above and thought it was time to do another Rant about the age of consent, and just consent in general, because this story is just a little strange.  In case you don’t want to read it, it is about a teacher from New Jersey who was is accused of having and inappropriate relationship with three students.  Mind you that all three were 18.  If she in convicted, there is a mandatory five year sentence.

This one is just a little out of the ordinary for the typical teacher/student sex case.  Normally when you read about this type of case it is about the teacher having sex with a minor.  Since all three boys that she is accused of having the relationships with were above the age of 18, they were not minors.  So what we have here is sex between two consenting adults.  The question is whether or not New Jersey has a law forbidding sex between students and teachers in general.  If that is the case, then yes she is guilty.  But if there is no law forbidding that specifically, then what is she guilty of?  At least they were 18 and not 15!

I can see though, and have read enough, where it probably isn’t a good thing to be having sex with someone that might be subordinate to you, or the other way around superior to you in a school or work setting.  Take for example if me and my supervisor went off and had sex for a weekend and then she held it over my head holding back promotions or bonus’ unless I continued.  Or if she were my teacher at a college and was going to hold back grades.  Those things ARE wrong.  But for consenting adults wouldn’t that be more of a civil suit rather than a criminal one?  I could bring a civil suit that I was denied a promotion, or was given poor grades.  But in the end, we are talking about two consenting adults no matter what their influential position.  And as adults don’t we have the responsibility to know what we are getting into?

If you have sex with your boss, you have to have some inkling in your mind that it could turn out to be a disastrous decision.  Co-workers at the same level you are going to have issues with too if things don’t work out in the end and you have to see the person every day.  The same thing could be said for the teacher/student thing.  Apparently all three boys and the teacher went to the same school.  All three get the bragging rights for nailing the teacher, right?  AWKWARD!!

I am all for laws that prevent the misuse of authority in cases like this.  But not criminal ones.  Civil, go for it!

Now the story quotes Assistant Prosecutor Christopher Schellhorn as saying “[She was] seeking out sex and propositioning high school students for sex. This was not a victimless crime.”  If the students were over the age of 18, then where is the wrongdoing?  Again, unless New Jersey has a law restricting sexual relationships with students, there isn’t any.  Dumb though!!

So what would have happened if she had had sex with three 18yo boys from the next high school over?  More than likely nothing.  There would be no influence there, and everyone was an adult.  I think the same laws, rules, regulations that would apply to college professors and students would need to be applied.  Fire the teacher.  But there was nothing illegal.  I think what is getting the attention here is that the teacher and the students were all at the same HIGH SCHOOL.  Would we even be having this conversation if they were all in college?  I doubt it.

And that brings me to Part 2 of tonight’s Rant: Age of Consent.  I get it that parents want to keep their kids on a leash for as long as they can.  Especially if they are still living in the same house.  I think if I had kids I would feel the same way.  But at some point we have to let them go off on their own and BE adults, even if they ARE still living at home.

At 18 we let people, vote, join the military, and have sex!  We let them drive at 16, and drink at 21.  I couldn’t find it by searching “California Sex Education” but doesn’t that usually happen around 9th or 10th grade?  That means we are teaching kids about sex at 15 or 16, but only letting them have sex with other kids around their age.  To me, that is just stupid!  That is like teaching a 16yo how to drive, because 16 is the legal driving age and then making it illegal for him to drive!  There are states that let kids get their drivers permits at freaking 14 (AK, AR, ID, IA, KS, MI, MO, ND, SD, WI, WY) according to this list dated 2011.

Don’t you think it’s kinda odd that the states issue drivers permits, or restricted permits, where they have to have the guidance of an adult to drive, yet when it comes to sex, they get a short course in school and then it’s Go For It! When I was talking about this to one of my co-workers after lunch he said the his sex education was a semester long when he was in 10th grade. He was 15 at the time.  And after that there is no guidance, no instruction, nobody to turn to for questions other than other adults.  Sure your parents want you to come to them with all your questions, and I’ll give props or any dad that has the sex talk with his gay son on the proper use of condoms, cleaning up before being on the receiving end, and other things that gay men do during sex.

We teach by example.  Yet nobody wants to teach kids sex.  Schools and parents will teach kids about sex.  But when it comes to practical experience society yells at them for doing so.  My next door neighbor nearly flipped his lid last month when he discovered that his oldest son who is 16 has been having sex since he was 15.  Probably the fact that at the same time he found out his son was gay didn’t help any.  He found out because Nick and Brian were sitting on Brian’s porch talking about it and they didn’t notice his dad standing by the screen door listening.  I talked to David later and he said that he was listening not in horror, but in shock.  But I said the same thing to him.  We teach, but then forbid.  What’s up with that?

And to be honest, sex education needs to start a LOT sooner than it does.  Society, technology, and just the human body, demand it.  If you think about when boys start creating semen and girls start their periods, then sex education needs to start before that so when it does happen it isn’t a surprise or scares them.  But I think THAT scares parents.  I think the sex talk shouldn’t be a 15 minute sit down after you find porn on a computer or find out your son is having sex.  By then, it is mostly too late.  I think it should start early, and then be talked about often.  Think about how many gay boys and girls would have felt more comfortable revealing their sexuality if they talked about it often.

Who do we turn to to learn things?  Adults!  Adult middle school and high school teachers; sports coaches; boy and girl scout leaders; church leaders.  So what makes us think that when a boy or a girl has questions regarding sex that they aren’t going to go ask an adult?  You’re dumb if you don’t think they will.  I know I did.  Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable knowing that they were getting their education from someone that they knew and trusted?  Not everyone is out there to abuse.  Now like the teacher/student thing if it was ever forced, coearsed, or used to be held over the head, then that is wrong.

I am going to be gone tomorrow night because tomorrow is my birthday!! Happy 20th to ME!  So I am working a half day, and then Nick and I are spending the afternoon out in Beverly Hills before spending the night down at the Bonaventure.  But I am going to be back on Monday with a follow up to this Rant continuing with sex education, and teens watching porn.  So stick around.

Love to you all!

~Ryan